I don't care if nobody's commenting, I'm still yelling into the internet.

I saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today. I enjoyed it a lot, although I thought Depp's portrayal was a little too Michael Jackson for my taste. Gene Wilder wins.
I had a lovely home-cooked meal at Mom's house and Dad and his wife Natalia came over, too.
It was good times and I felt so much better about stuff. Relaxed, pulled-together and calm. Happy even.

He called when I was still at mom's and said he really needed to talk to me later. It was apparently too much to discuss at that moment, but he missed and wanted me his maybe feelings for Patsy were probably nothing and all that. When he calls back later at night and says he shouldn't have called earlier, he was just confused and was sorry for calling. Next time, he said, he'd get his thought together before doing something like that. Then he pretty much immediately had to go because he was hanging out with his friends. "Bye Patsy...I, uh, mean..." And I hung up and tossed my phone into my blanket. My only regret is he might not have realized I hung up on him...cell phones just don't make that nice slamming sound.
I don't know if I've ever been so angry over a 1 minute and 20 second phone conversation. My cool is blown for the moment, damn it.
I wish I could talk to him now (maybe yell a little, I'm not sure).

"wIllIam191919 (2:39:58 PM): call me whenever/ if you want
wIllIam191919 (2:40:02 PM): i'll be here"
My ass.

I was thinking that it might be alright to still go up this weekend and see him like we had planned. I already had the time asked off, I had honestly pledged to stay friends, and, yes, I wanted to see him. This hot/cold bullshit is frankly wearing thin, and it seems like he wouldn't want to see me anyway. I was also thinking, "well I do want to date him, maybe it wouldn't be so bad."
Here I am seriously, honestly considering all these things...and now I feel like they weren't even real, just carrots he dangled because he was sure I wouldn't reach for them, a new way of saying "It's not you, it's me." I feel ridiculous about it and that too makes me angry.
The sad thing is, it's more a generalized anger, not really actually fully directed at him.
Shame on me. Shame on hope and optimism. And last, but most emphatically not least, shame on him.

*Edit* 12:17am - I'm not really angry anymore. My gracious cool has been restored. I still wish I could talk and figure a few things out with him, but I don't think I can. I can't decide if I'm going to ask to have my work schedule changed this week to work the weekend or not yet.
As always, the remaining contents of Pandora's box fill me up and get me by.
Is there something wrong with me that I'm not furious and fed up right now? Should I be a wrathful demoness and be less forgiving all the damn time? I don't know, it's probably weird I feel the need to share all this with unwashed hordes all over the internet.